Comparison Is the Thief of Joy
Tending our joy...
Into The Blue is about finding joy in simple pleasures. One of those pleasures is letting apples be apples and oranges be oranges.
Comparison is the thief of joy. This old adage, often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, is worth considering for a community committed to joy like ours. There is a lot of wisdom here. Indeed, comparing ourselves, our lives, to others often can make us profoundly unhappy and discontent.
The Learner
Before we really get going, though, we need to set some boundaries. Because comparison is a good and important skill in life. And comparison does not always have to steal our joy.
For example, rowing is an exercise that brings me great joy. But I never would have picked it up if I hadn’t read about a 90-some year old man who has kept himself in amazing shape by rowing. I thought to myself, “Boy, I’d love to be a healthy 90-year old someday too. Maybe I should take up rowing.”
However, after rowing for a few months and seeing encouraging results, I hurt my shoulder. I learned this is a common injury if you use poor form. So, I started watching other people who were skilled rowers. And I spent a lot of time copying their motions until it became second nature for me.
In both starting rowing and growing at it, comparison played a major, positive role. So you see, comparing ourselves to others can in fact be a source of joy if we look at others with the eye of a learner.
The Judge
The problem is, that’s often not how we compare ourselves to others. Rather, we compare with the eye of a judge, a judge of ourselves. And what is our verdict? I don’t measure up. I’m a failure. I don’t have that. Our comparisons spark feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, and envy.
Yes, often we look at others and conclude, “They are better than me.” This is a poisonous form of comparison focused on ability or traits. I can’t do this like her. I’ll never be as handsome as him.
A related form of toxic comparison focuses on accomplishments. We look at someone else’s career or achievements and decide, “They are more successful than me.” We relegate ourselves to last place.
Then sometimes our point of focus is on others’ belongings. In one form or another, we conclude, “They are richer than me.” Modern advertising lives and breathes on this one. I’ll never be happy without that car, that smart phone, that trip to Bali.
In these ways, comparison truly is the thief of joy. Why? Because it shifts our perspective in unhealthy and unrealistic ways. We look at our life through the wrong lens—somebody else’s. Our life is amazingly unique and our own. We have much to learn from others, but they do not define us. Our life defines us.
This sort of comparison undermines the very foundations of joy. Joy thrives on contentment and gratitude. I am enough. I have enough. I love my life. Joy thrives on challenge. I can do better. I can be better. Joy thrives on wonder. Wow, how amazing they can do that! What I can learn from her! What a joy that God blessed him so!
Cultivating Joy
Yes, there are so many things that can distract us and steal our joy. Unhealthy comparison is one of them. It causes us to take our eyes off the ball.
Joy comes from a place of positivity, of thankfulness, of adventure, of wonder. It is these kinds of things we want to cultivate, these kind of habits of perspective we want to build. Even when things are at their darkest, the light is still not extinguished. That is where we want to focus.
When we come from the place of light, as a learner rather than a judge, even comparison cannot steal our joy. Rather, it becomes yet another occasion to grow, to celebrate, and yes, to rejoice.
May you always and only know that kind of comparison.
Cheers!
A Short Meditation
Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each should carry their own load.
When it comes to the material, we are prone to look at others and judge ourselves. But when it comes to the spiritual, our tendency is often reversed. We are quick to perceive faults in others and pride ourselves on our moral superiority. In our heads, our neighbor becomes a lesser “they” in the light of our righteousness.
For those who would walk by the Spirit of Christ, this will not do. God will judge my neighbor for his actions and me for mine. We each bear that burden alone. It thus behooves me to attend with diligence to my own moral character (with the Spirit’s help), and to treat my neighbor with gentleness and charity (in the Spirit of love).
This is not a teaching we can walk out alone. We need the Spirit. Fortunately, God’s grace is always available to us in Jesus. We only need ask.
I needed this. Thank you Jeff.